We love being in the know. To hear the latest rumor, to take a sip of gossip, to delight in the scuttlebutt, to drink deeply of the local buzz. Like a favorite snack, such whispered words fill us with pleasure (Proverbs 18:8).
Gossip adorns the magazines that line the checkout queue. It fills our Facebook and X (Twitter) timelines. And unfortunately, it litters the hallways of our churches as well. As Christians, we should refuse and rebuke this temptation and yet we so often imbibe freely.
But what is gossip? How can we recognize it? Is it always a sin? How should we respond?
All that and more we will attempt to wrestle through in this blog.
What is Gossip?
In the Old Testament, a couple of terms overlap with our understanding of the English word “gossip.” First, would be terms that would more closely align with our concept of slander.
The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool. When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. (Proverbs 10:18–19)
Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered. (Proverbs 11:13)
Such passages (and passages about “false witnesses”) give us some helpful insight into a nuance of gossip, but don’t offer a comprehensive vision of the sin itself. Slander is a subset of gossip, but there is a difference in that slander is inherently false. If something is true, it cannot be slander, but it can still be gossip. So what is gossip?
The closest Old Testament word to gossip itself would probably be nirgon, which refers to whispering, grumbling, complaining, backbiting, and faultfinding. It was a word which was used to refer to Israel’s grumbling in the desert, but in the wisdom literature, it is translated as “whisperer.”
The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body. (Proverbs 18:8)
A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends. (Proverbs 16:28)
For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases. As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body. (Proverbs 26:20–22)
This idea of whispering suggests something secretive and shameful. It involves words spoken behind one’s back, intentionally hushed and hidden. Like all sin, it is temporally enjoyable (delicious morsels), but ultimately destructive (separating friends and likened to a fire). Like a drug, it can provide a short burst of guilty pleasure while stripping away true life and joy and destroying community.
In the New Testament, we find a number of Greek terms translated as gossip in places like Romans 1:29, 2 Corinthians 12:20, and 1 Timothy 5:13.
They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. (Romans 1:29–31)
For I fear that perhaps when I come I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish—that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder. (2 Corinthians 12:20)
Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. (1 Timothy 5:13)
The Romans and 2 Corinthians passages are particularly helpful in that the underlying Greek words used in those passages (psithyristes and psithyrismos, respectively) are both onomatopoeic. (For those who don’t recall, an onomatopoeia is a word that resembles its sound, for example: bang, crash, meow, pitter-patter, etc.) Both of these Greek terms start with a sound that would approximate the psst that we connect to a whispered secret. Based on these passages, we might say that gossip involves malicious whispering.
From these passages, we see that gossip is not only foolish (as suggested in the wisdom literature of the Old Testament), but also sinful. It is thus inappropriate for those who call upon Christ as Lord.
But what is the actual definition of gossip?
Defining Gossip
Considering how often Scripture warns against gossip and its cousins (slander, blasphemy, careless speech, rash words, and false witness), its perhaps surprising to acknowledge that there is no consensus biblical definition of the term.
The International Standard Bible Dictionary defines it as follows: “In its biblical setting, ‘gossip’ is used to designate the spreading of secrets or rumors, usually for the purpose of slander.”
John Piper defines it as “Derogatory information about someone that you have that is shared with others in a tone of confidentiality, that is not motivated by doing good to them, and that you are enjoying in a way that shows your heart is not humble.” Matt Mitchell in his book on gossip writes, “the sin of gossip is bearing bad news behind someone’s back out of a bad heart.” I’ve also heard it said that gossip involves sharing negative information about others to those who aren’t part of the problem or the solution.
Taken in totality, we could say that gossip involves a certain content (negative information, bad news, derogatory information, etc.), a certain intent (desire to elevate yourself or denigrate others – a “bad heart”, lack of humility, not motivated by good, etc.), a certain context (behind someone’s back, for instance) and a certain recipient (to someone who isn’t part of the problem or solution, etc). Each of those aspects (content, intent, context, and recipient) seem to be necessary attributes of the sin of gossip.
Putting all of this together, we could describe gossip as follows:
- It involves secrets to which one should not be privy (someone who isn’t part of the problem or the solution).
- Its related to whispering (implying something done in secret, usually behind someone’s back, it circumvents the appropriate path of wisdom).
- It involves information which is negative (sincerely telling someone how much I appreciate you behind your back or saying that a mutual friend is in the hospital most likely wouldn’t be gossip).
- It is motivated by wicked desires (i.e. there is some sort of evil intent whether to humiliate another or to exalt or justify yourself or to seem cool because you are “in the know”).
Occasionally it is perhaps possible for gossip to only involve 2 or 3 of the above, but in general, it consists of a collection of all four. In other words, the more that an instance involves each of the four characteristics of gossip, the more likely it is to represent an example of foolish and sinful gossip.
With that in mind, let’s consider a few examples:
- You witness someone commit a serious crime and call the police. This would not be gossip in that you are involving someone who is a part of the solution.
- You talk to a friend about a pattern of sin and he refuses to repent so you bring another along or involve the elders of your church. This, again, would not be gossip because you are following the pattern of Matthew 18 and are talking to others who can help and you have a good motivation for the flourishing of the friend.
- You confront someone publicly about a public dispute. Given that this is not done in secret, this is most likely not gossip.
- You talk about how much you love and admire a mutual friend. This is not gossip in that it is not negative information. More on this below.
In each of the above, sinful gossip is not necessarily evidenced (though each of them could quickly regress into gossip with unguarded mouth and heart). So, is gossip always sinful?
Is Gossip always Sinful?
Sometimes we use biblical words in non-biblical ways. For instance, each time I call my mom, I ask her for updates on the rest of the family. I’m not asking for (nor she is not offering) the biblical sin of gossip, but she is giving me updates on my siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. So and so graduated from college, got a new job, has been sick, got engaged, etc.
In such conversations I might even say, What’s the family gossip? or What’s the Baytown [my hometown] scuttlebutt? I’m not asking my mom to sin, but am rather using these words innocently as a way to simply ask, “what’s happening” or “what did I miss.”
Can these updates devolve into gossip? Of course. But are they inherently sinful? Not at all.
In fact, our English word gossip didn’t originally contain sinful connotations. In Old English, a “godsibb” referred to “a person related to one in God” (in modern English, we would say a godfather or godmother). The term godsibb came from the root sibb which meant “relative” and is preserved in the word “sibling.” So a godsibb was a close friend or relative with whom you would get information about mutual family and friends by means of casual conversation. Originally, the term was neutral in undertone. In a pre-internet, pre-telecommunications age, family members provided opportunities to simply stay abreast of familial or social happenings. As that conversation eventually began to take on more negative connotations over time, so did the meaning of gossip. The term itself became more of pejorative.
So, originally, gossip wasn’t sinful, but as we use the term today, we would distinguish between useful information (your cousin had her baby), positive encouragement (I was so proud of your father today…), and actual gossip in that the latter (typically) involves each of the four elements discussed above.
Though it is possible to use the word gossip to refer to something other than the biblical sin, such use is unhelpful at best.
How Should we Respond to Gossip?
Given that gossip (as we use the term today) always implies sin, we should be quick to guard our hearts and mouths from such folly.
Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin. (Proverbs 13:3)
Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. (Proverbs 11:12)
Sometimes it is really true, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
So the first step to responding to gossip is to appreciate just how sinful and foolish it is. Unless you understand the severity of the problem, you won’t be as serious about the necessity of the solution. If you think of gossip as a trivial matter, you won’t treat it like the engulfing and devastating fire that it really is. Like a pyromaniac with flame, you’ll be tempted to play with the sparks of gossip rather than fight to extinguish them.
We need to understand just how grave gossip really is. In short, gossip is diabolical. Those who gossip, who accuse their brothers and sisters, do the work of the great Accuser of the brethren himself, Satan (Revelation 12:10).
But avoiding the sin of gossip doesn’t just mean guarding your mouths, but your ears as well. To speak gossip is sinful, but to listen is likewise inappropriate.
An evildoer listens to wicked lips, and a liar gives ear to a mischievous tongue. (Proverbs 17:4)
Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler. (Proverbs 20:19)
So, how should you respond when someone tempts you with gossip?
First, ask yourself if you really need to know this. Are you actually part of the problem or the solution?
Second, ask the person talking about another if he or she was given permission to discuss the issue with you?
Bear in mind the wisdom of Proverbs 25:9-10 which says: Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another’s secret, lest he who hears you bring shame upon you, and your ill repute have no end.
Third, be willing to rebuke the person if they are actually engaging in gossip. Tell them that you feel like this crosses the line and you won’t participate without the permission of the other in question. Encourage them to have whatever initial conversations are necessary and then to bring in outside counsel by mutual agreement if there is an impasse.
Fourth, encourage the gossiper to repent to the subject of their gossip. Help the person to understand that they have sinned against this other person by means of gossip and that they have a subsequent obligation to make amends. You might even give them a period of time to do so and say that you will follow up after that to make sure they have followed through.
These final two points will undoubtedly be uncomfortable, but are necessary lest you inadvertently fuel the fire of an out of control tongue (James 3).
So, to properly respond to gossip, you have the duty to resist, rebuke, and redirect such speech. But is this all?
Actually no.
The Bible doesn’t merely tell us to avoid speaking folly, it tells us to speak wisely. The Bible doesn’t just say to avoid destructive speech, it commands constructive speech. Likewise, when it comes to gossip, Scripture suggests that our duty isn’t just to avoid sinful speech about others, but to actually engage in good and encouraging speech about others.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:29)
Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. (Colossians 4:6)
See how the Westminster Larger Catechism connects this to the prohibitions and prescriptions of the Ten Commandments. As the authors noted, each commandment had two functions. First, it forbade certain sins, but it did more. It also implied certain duties and responsibilities. Regarding the 9th commandment (bearing false witness), Westminster says the following;
Q: What are the sins forbidden in the ninth commandment?
A: The sins forbidden in the ninth commandment are, all prejudicing the truth, and the good name of our neighbors, as well as our own, especially in public judicature; giving false evidence, suborning false witnesses, wittingly appearing and pleading for an evil cause, outfacing and overbearing the truth; passing unjust sentence, calling evil good, and good evil; rewarding the wicked according to the work of the righteous, and the righteous according to the work of the wicked; forgery, concealing the truth, undue silence in a just cause, and holding our peace when iniquity calleth for either a reproof from ourselves, or complaint to others; speaking the truth unseasonably, or maliciously to a wrong end, or perverting it to a wrong meaning, or in doubtful or equivocal expressions, to the prejudice of the truth or justice; speaking untruth, lying, slandering, backbiting, detracting, talebearing, whispering, scoffing, reviling, rash, harsh, and partial censuring; misconstructing intentions, words, and actions; flattering, vainglorious boasting, thinking or speaking too highly or too meanly of ourselves or others; denying the gifts and graces of God; aggravating smaller faults; hiding, excusing, or extenuating of sins, when called to a free confession; unnecessary discovering of infirmities; raising false rumors, receiving and countenancing evil reports, and stopping our ears against just defense; evil suspicion; envying or grieving at the deserved credit of any; endeavoring or desiring to impair it, rejoicing in their disgrace and infamy; scornful contempt, fond admiration; breach of lawful promises; neglecting such things as are of good report, and practicing, or not avoiding ourselves, or not hindering what we can in others, such things as procure an ill name.
Q: What are the duties required in the ninth commandment?
A: The duties required in the ninth commandment are, the preserving and promoting of truth between man and man, and the good name of our neighbor, as well as our own; appearing and standing for the truth; and from the heart, sincerely, freely, clearly, and fully, speaking the truth, and only the truth, in matters of judgment and justice, and in all other things whatsoever; a charitable esteem of our neighbors; loving, desiring, and rejoicing in their good name; sorrowing for and covering of their infirmities; freely acknowledging of their gifts and graces, defending their innocency; a ready receiving of a good report, and unwillingness to admit of an evil report, concerning them; discouraging talebearers, flatterers, and slanderers; love and care of our own good name, and defending it when need requireth; keeping of lawful promises; studying and practicing of whatsoever things are true, honest, lovely, and of good report. (Westminster Larger Catechism)
So, not only should Christian avoid gossip, but we should take a proactive interest in protecting and preserving the good reputations of friends and family. We should give them the benefit of the doubt (“love believes all things” 1 Corinthians 13:7). We should overlook their shortcomings, praise their gifts, publicly speak well of them, refuse to admit unsubstantiated rumors, and so forth. We should speak of others in such a way as to build them up, encourage them, encourage others of them, etc. We should speak of them in private as we would in their presence.
Are there times where we have to criticize others? Are there even times where we must warn others about someone? Of course! Jesus has no problem rebuking the Pharisees and Paul has no qualms about calling out many of his opponents, but these extenuating circumstances don’t cancel out the rule. If we are to do unto others what we would have them do unto us (Matthew 7:12), then we have a unique opportunity and responsibility to seek the good reputation and name of others unless or until such time as wisdom and righteousness demands that we do otherwise.
So may we be a people who have developed a distaste for gossip and delight instead in building up our brothers and sisters in grace and love.